So, it’s now a October 2011, Caleb is 9 months old and I am ready for more children. After the birth of Caleb I wasn’t sure I wanted anymore, and praise Jesus, He turned my heart towards His and helped me to have hope and faith again. The entire time I had actually been suffering each month at that “fun time” with pain and heavy bleeding. The doctor who did my physical that year told me that normally getting pregnant is what they recommend to women who have painful periods so I thought, okay great, I want that anyway, why not go for it. I go to bed one night with much pain and this wasn’t even at my period time. The pain was two weeks early. Strange, but I go to bed and struggle to sleep because lying on my side hurts. Finally two days of this pain and now it’s moved to my abdomen so I figure I better go to the hospital. After 6 hours of sitting there with no news, Jason and Caleb finally come to be with me as Caleb hasn’t had any milk all day. I’ve been told this whole time not to eat or drink anything so there isn’t much milk for him anyway, but I missed him. A doctor finally shows up to tell me some great news and some bad news. I’m pregnant! YAY, oh joy my heart leaps. But, they believe it is in my tube and I am having what is called an ectopic pregnancy and I am bleeding internally into my belly. They keep offering me pain meds like morphine but I opted out because I am still nursing Caleb and don’t want him to be affected. They are all blown away with how well I am handling it as I am not screaming in pain or keeled over. I can only give the credit to my Lord who has so graciously eased my pain and suffering in order to protect my son.
The doctor who was originally scheduled to do my surgery asked if I would mind waiting a little since I was doing so well so she could go deliver a baby. Of course! GO! Bring new life into this world! And I was so excited because I felt that would give me more time to pray as I was hoping that the pregnancy was in the right place and I was only having a blood clot in my tube. Well, one baby being delivered turned into 4 babies and they finally decided I should probably get to my surgery so another doctor came down and said he would now be performing it for me. And when I mentioned the other babies, he said – “Yes, they are coming in two by two like the bible”. Thank you Lord. I felt His presence and knew He was reminding me that He is with me. He has a plan. He didn’t abandon Noah on the ark, and He would never abandon me. I also found it strange that now I had been in the hospital twice in the last year and both times a doctor had spoken of the bible to me. Oh God, you are just so much fun! I love it when He shows me His power on being able to speak to me through anyone, even a doctor. (I may need to repent for some judgment here… LOL) Job 33:14 says:
14 For God may speak in one way, or in another,
Yet man does not perceive it.
Well it turns out after several weeks of not knowing for sure, that it was in fact pregnancy tissue they removed from my tube, but PRAISE JESUS, they were able to leave my tube right where it is and everything inside was fully intact. They did however remove 1.5 litres of blood from my abdomen. And yet again, no need for a transfusion because the goodness of God is so great.
I did however have a hard time accepting that I had lost a baby. I was in mourning for several weeks. And yet again, I was down on myself because I felt that maybe if I had more faith the results would have been different. I have to laugh as I write this blog today because I just found a scripture that mimics what I was feeling, but the first time I ever heard it was when a comedian, TIm Hawkins, used it in his stand up routine. OMGoodness I laughed so hard.
6 I am troubled, I am bowed down greatly;
I go mourning all the day long.
7 For my loins are full of inflammation,
And there is no soundness in my flesh.
8 I am feeble and severely broken;
I groan because of the turmoil of my heart.
Still praying and loving the Lord, but asking why so often He probably wished He had never allowed that word to be created in the english language. He was gracious and loving and never left my side the entire time. And if you watch this video, you will see that He truly has turned my mourning into dancing (or laughing so hard I almost fall off my chair). Psalm 30:11
If anyone is interested in hearing the comedian use this scripture, here is a youtube link. I highly recommend it.