Warning, this one is a tad bit longer than all the others because it has a major plot development.
It is now September, 2012. Life is pretty good at this point. I’m still hopeful and expectant of getting pregnant. The Catch The Fire conference is next week and a very very good friend of mine is coming to visit for the week. Another friend from Bermuda that I haven’t actually met yet, but know that it is a divine friendship, is also coming for the conference. I started having thoughts that I should go back to my old chiropractor that I hadn’t seen since I was pregnant with Caleb because of the drive. He’s an hour away from me and with a baby I just didn’t have the time to waste 2 hours to see someone when I thought I could find one closer to me. Then I was going to be downtown anyway one day and so I booked an appointment with him feeling it was God’s idea to go.
He said to me that he felt there was some scar tissue around my uterus area and asked if he could work on it. He massaged my abdomen and after about fifteen minutes or so said that he felt a good release of the scar tissue from the healthy tissue and concluded the session. Great! That confirmed what God had spoken through my prayer session in California. So I began praying against scar tissue even more aggressively. Commanding my body to absorb or remove the scar tissue.
And then later that week, on Friday morning, I’m in the shower, (graphic description alert) and checking my cervix for fertility signs and I felt an odd bump protruding right out of the middle of it. Well, that’s not normal… is it???? To be honest, the worst thoughts started going through my head. Is my entire uterus falling out? Is that part of the dead baby that they said never implanted but maybe it did? You have no idea the warfare I was going through in my mind. And yet, I felt the presence of God so powerfully too. I called my midwife and went to see her and she said it was probably just a polyp. She did advise me to call my doctor on Monday though.
Well, Friday afternoon I picked my friend up from the airport and was looking forward to a great week. And yet, on Saturday, things were really starting to get interesting. I noticed some blood when I went to the washroom and so I decided to “check” this so called polyp again. And now it felt like the size of a grape was coming out. Um. WHAT IS THAT?!?! I decided to go to the emergency room for a check up because to be honest, I was scared. I had no idea what this was or what was going to happen and I wanted someone to tell me it was nothing to worry about. On the way to the hospital with my friend, she brings up Job again. Okay, God, now what are you telling me?
At the hospital, the doctor did not alleviate my fears. At first he didn’t even think there was going to be something to see. And when he did the internal exam, he said “Oh, I see what you mean!” “Uh, YEAH. That wasn’t there before – NOT EVER!” “Is it just a polyp?” He said “Oh, that’s not a polyp!” in this incredibly dramatic tone. So great, now I’m totally freaked out. He took a sample to biopsy and sent me home after making an appointment with a gynecologist for me to see on Monday. Thankfully my friend is a God loving woman who could support me in my journey of faith at this point.
Monday rolls around and the gyno tells me it’s just a polyp. She’ll schedule me for surgery and once it’s out everything will go back to normal. Well that’s cool. Her assistant calls me later that week to tell me that the earliest day she can schedule me for surgery is November. Seriously, it’s only the middle of September and I have to wait until November to have this thing removed! I get off the phone and prayed. Lord, please, I’m not asking or a miracle for me – although that would be awesome too, but give someone else a miracle. I don’t want to take anyone’s place who needs this surgery, so, just give them a miracle so they don’t need it anymore and I can have their place. Not necessarily the most faith filled prayer because why not just ask for it to be supernaturally removed, but, I’m growing in my faith and at that time, I wasn’t quite there yet. I have also realized that up to this point, it’s been easier for me to believe for a miracle for someone else than it is to believe for one for me. Anyone else relate to that?
Well, not more than an hour later the nurse calls back to say that there is now an opening for the October 22nd date. Woohoo! Thanks Lord. I’ll take it. So now, I’ve got a surgery scheduled and all is well again. Until, October 18th, just before the surgery, Jason is getting ready to board a plane to come back home as he has been in California for a week helping his brother with some work. The Gynecologists office calls again and asks me to come in today to talk with her and that I should bring someone with me. UH OH, that can’t be good news can it?
Well, my mom is free and comes with me. So me, her and Caleb pile into the doctor’s office about an hour later and finally the doctor comes in. She has bad news, you can tell instantly. She shares with me that the first results of the biopsy came back negative for any cancer, but that someone felt they should send it for more testing to a different lab and that second test came back as positive. She was now telling me she believed I had a uterine cancer called Adenosarcoma which is very rare for women my age to get. Apparently it usually only hits women who are menopausal or post menopausal. Interesting. Okay, if you’ve been following my blog, you will remember the post where I included a clip of the comedian and his favorite quote and how I thought it applied to me after I had the ectopic pregnancy surgery. Well, if you read it in a different version here, the version he tells in his joke, it makes even more sense now…. (not that I thought about that at all then, just now as I’m writing this blog)
Psalms 38:7 For my loins are filled with a loathsome disease,…
And then she had more news. I have referred you to a doctor down at Princess Margaret Hospital. The Toronto cancer hospital. And I had a call with him on the phone and he told me to warn you that they are going to recommend a full hysterectomy. Oh. Alrighty then. Um, that’s not going to happen!!!! The doctor seemed a little concerned that I wasn’t crying or upset. She also tried to impress upon me that it was more important to have the surgery so I could live for my son who was alive instead of be hopeful and hold out for more children. She makes a good argument for worldly thinking, but not for kingdom thinking.
So, this is where I really get to walk in faith. God’s peace surrounded me that day. I was determined to stand on the promise of God no matter what. As Beth Moore says, If I’m going to err, I’d rather err on the side of faith. And, as you will read, He has been so faithful in speaking with me, teaching me, and guiding me. He really is the best friend to have when going through any kind of life challenge. And when you know that He has given you advice, you can trust it’s the best way. As you will learn, I didn’t always turn to Him for counsel first, but eventually I got there. Job 15:8 says:
Have you heard the counsel of God?
Do you limit wisdom to yourself?